My personal space was Crown land

I’ve been told all of my youth to relax and chill out; don’t let the actions of others stress you out. I’ve avoided conflict and confrontation as much as I possibly could. It became a quest.  I became an artist, and alternative health practitioner because of this I believe.

I remember in a college class auction saving  all my chips to buy Inner Peace, while my classmates were bidding on imaginary sport cars, houses and millions of dollars.  I had it all figured out – if you had inner peace then who needed all the other stuff.  Two things to note here – “INNER” and all the other stuff.  I figured a sure and steady route would be to maintain an air of peace outwardly and work on the inside until they met in the middle. I’m sure you can guess how that has turned out.  First off the world doesn’t care how peaceful you are – it wants your money and your subservience.
Somewhere along the line that “Inner” thing becomes an issue to others on the outside.

One side of that is that your outward peaceful is counted as indifference to others. Most people are unfamiliar with inner peace you see. This may in fact piss them off more than inspire them to calm down.  The other side  is people may be doing loads to wreck that peace because all they see is your placid face not freaking out.  This signals them that you’re okay with everything happening to and around you. Try maintaining that  inner peace then!

What happens is that you keep all that resentment and your truths inside then they come rushing out when there’s no more room and you can’t take it anymore.  That is greeted by surprise from those who pissed you off in first place with “Why are you sooo aggressive?”  The answer in my head of course is – I’m not. I didn’t shout. I simply wanted to be heard. I got heard alright, but still not sure I got understood.

A very good friend of mine heard me, and respects me enough to tell me what she sees; apparently I lack some boundaries.  I’m guessing my acceptance of people and their foibles indicates to the world exactly where my boundaries lie…. I live on Crown Land – everyone is allowed in as long as they don’t poach the wildlife.   But even Crown land comes with signs stating the rules.  I love my friend, she has given me a clue. I need to make some signs!!!

We live in a world where kindness has become equated with weakness.  We are reduced to less than strong if we choose not to fight or quarrel over what in essence are small issues. We may choose to lead by example; by being able to adapt to the shifting emotions of others with a level response hoping that our outward cool and acceptance will foster reciprocal action.  The problems occur when a society is deeply entrenched in me first philosophy. Somewhere along the line we translated personal freedom and empowerment into entitlement take what you want, look out for yourself and let everyone else figure it out. we’re constantly given the message that we’re entitled to the whole enchilada. We’ve transmuted inner health into outer bravado. Respect no longer begets respect. Might makes right wrong.

While my “Do onto others as you would have them do onto you”  is noble in thought, it is unsuccessful in application in my current incarnation. I am learning how to paint my signs with color, light and indelible ink. I’m still wary of conflict and not too down with confrontation so I’m going to use my “healer” skills for preventative medicine (the most effective kind) instead. My first patient is me.

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