Let’s make Valentine’s Day a day for everyone, instead of making singles feel miserable and inadequate | Toronto Star

Remember grade school, when everyone received a valentine? Widening the scope of this most romantic holiday could take the sting out for single people. ~Emma Teitel

I think it’s safe to say that no holiday has been looked forward to less in the history of holidays than Valentine’s Day, except maybe Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement — though I’m sure there are lovesick people out there who’d prefer fasting in a synagogue to eating their feelings in front of the TV on February 14.

Don’t believe me? V Day is apparently so distressing for some (especially those who suffer from “anuptaphobia,” the fear of being single forever) that restaurants have taken to offering food specials specifically designed not for smitten couples, but for jaded singles.

Hooters, for example, a dining establishment that doesn’t immediately jump to mind when you think about romantic love, now offers a promotion called “Shred ‘Em and Forget ‘Em,” whereby customers can bring a photo of an ex lover into the restaurant on Valentine’s Day and enlist a Hooters employee to help them “shred” said photo, after which they can redeem the tattered paper remains of their ex-beau for 10 boneless chicken wings. Unfortunately the event takes place at “participating locations” only, which is a shame, because I don’t think I can imagine anything sadder than a recently dumped, heartbroken person arriving at their local Hooters with a photo of an ex only to be told, “Sorry, that deal isn’t valid at this restaurant. No Buffalo chicken for you.” Wing-less and alone: It’s a fate I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Despite what you may have heard, Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be synonymous with loneliness for people who haven’t found romantic love, because it doesn’t have to be synonymous with romantic love at all. The advantage of a Hallmark holiday with almost zero religious significance is that it’s open to re-imagination. It’s not exactly sacred.

At the risk of offending anti-PC types wary of “snowflakes,” I’d like to make the case that, in order to alleviate and maybe even put an end to the Valentine’s Day Blues, adults take an inclusive, grade-school approach to V Day, the kind of approach where everybody with a pulse gets a box of cinnamon hearts and a cheesy card. The kind of approach where you buy your wife a pair of sexy underwear, but you buy your best pal a pair of practical undies while you’re at it, and you take him out for dinner and toast to the power of friendship. Or if you’re so inclined, you take out a sibling, or a parent or a grandparent or the guy who shovels your driveway.

 Take the Valentine’s Day Quiz Here

In other words, you take a page out of the book of Glad Day, an LGBTQ bookstore and restaurant in Toronto’s Church and Wellesley Village that is offering a prix fixe pasta dinner this V Day for anybody who comes through the door, regardless of their relationship status. From the bookstore’s Facebook page: “Want to celebrate Valentine’s Day in (a) space where you won’t be judged? Not only will Glad Day be free of homophobia and transphobia — we are also a great place for you to celebrate any configuration of love! So whether it’s romantic, familial or friendship love you are celebrating, whether you are a couple, a group or solo, whether your love is something that knows no bounds . . . we are here for you.”

There is no reason Valentine’s Day, as a rule, has to make unattached people feel inadequate and miserable. This is especially true if we shift the holiday’s theme from one of strictly romantic love to one of love in general, romantic and otherwise. Will this dilute the holiday’s spirit and encourage corporations to try to sell us even more useless V-Day-themed merchandise? Absolutely. But who cares. We’re already swimming in it anyway. I might understand the impulse to curse the existence of V Day or to ignore the holiday altogether if there was any chance that loathing it and pretending it didn’t exist might actually make it cease to exist. But it’s here to stay. The best way then, to make it bearable for all, and who knows, maybe even kind of fun, is to celebrate platonic bonds on February 14 and give everybody, no matter their relationship status, the perks of unconditional love — from cinnamon hearts to boneless Buffalo chicken wings.

 

Source: Let’s make Valentine’s Day a day for everyone, instead of making singles feel miserable and inadequate | Toronto Star

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The Chronic Pain Funk 

When you have chronic pain you make excuses.  It’s inevitable.

The pain creeps up on you and cancels your plans. It may be escorted by depression and fatigue. After a while your friends think your blowing them off and you stop getting those invites. You’re no longer comfortable sitting for hours at a movie or chatting. and you can forget events that require you to stand for the duration. Even with the best of intentions, a flare can knock the wind out of your sails pretty quickly.

What You Want, Really, Really Want….

You want a community of people who understand what you’re going through.

You don’t want to deal with stigma, drama or anything that’s going to piss you off or make you sad.

You want to laugh. You need to laugh!

You want to create something  without being intimidated

You don’t want to drop a lot of cash, cause – life

You want to make something meaningful, beautiful, and soul lifting

You want to not feel pain for a few hours (days if possible)

You want to be creative when the time is good for you

You want what a recipe for making your soul feel good.

 

Some help

Join a group or community that you share an interest with.

Make sure that the people/community you decide to join have no judgements about your illness, or your decided course of wellness whether it’s cannabis or other natural remedies or pharmaceuticals.

There are a few artists offering free workshops online that are very  empowering. These are a good way of taking your time to create projects you choose, and they allow you to participate at times that are god for your schedule. They also most often include a community of like-minded people. Many are uplifting or soul shifting projects in nature./

If you have mobility and inclination sign up for a workshop outside the home. Mobility, socializing and creative practice are all components to good overall health and wellness for those with chronic illnesses.  Look for our upcoming workshops this spring…

Personal experience, classroom observations and research data show that the act of creating lessens pain, heightens pleasure and stimulates serotonin. I have seen Parkinson patients in my classes have their tremors completely cease when they pick up a paintbrush. One client who suffers from completely body tremors requiring assistance to walk at times comes to mind. He is draw linear lines freehand when he has a paintbrush in hand. Many clients reported a decrease or absence of pain when engaged in a creative project.

The seven realms of a positive life experience for people with chronic pain are:
medication/medical – support community/social interaction – exercise/movement – spiritual practice – nutrition – healthy sleep ethic – creative pursuits
I’ll be discussing the seven realm in detail in upcoming posts.

And finally don’t be so hard on yourself. Worrying can intensify your physical pain.
Accept your limitations, know when to relax.

Ti